Eyes are the windows to the soul, and there are times I wish I had blackout drapes. Not that I don't like for people to get to know me, but I am totally creeped out by prolonged eye contact.
I had a professor in college (a psychology prof, no less) who had incredibly intense ice-blue eyes. I could not look at him in class and got freaked when he'd look my way to ask a question. He was a nice person, but I couldn't help but feel as if I were being analyzed. If he'd had brown puppy-dog eyes? Maybe not so much. It was almost as if he were trying to connect to his students to figure them out.... And while I probably needed an analyst worse than anyone, just no.... not like that.
But more than that, I'm always a little hesitant that if you look too much through that window, you won't like the soul you see. For years on end, that thought haunted me.... I so wanted to be accepted and loved by everyone and if that meant being a chameleon, so be it. These days, not so much -- in that, I am who I am, and if you don't like what you see, gosh I really hate it for you. But no more chameleon life for me. I also noticed that I make more eye contact than I once did, because I really no longer give a (rodent's posterior) whether or not you like me.... I mean, I will always hope people do, but if we don't square, then we don't.
But I wonder if people do see things in me that I don't see in myself -- both good and bad. Can they see the smudges on the glass of my eyes reflecting the dirt on my heart? Can they see the weariness of the world that settles in my marrow? Can they see that I have good intentions even if my methods are a bit rough? And do they see love? For me, that matters more. If they can't, then I have lots of work to do.
Getting some Windex ready if needed.....
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