I think my first crush had to be Andy Gibb in 2nd grade. Yeah, I always went for the musicians..... I also crushed on Shaun Cassidy. He too sang, kinda. He had "Hey Deenie".... But ohhhh Andy Gibb, so cute. Girls of a certain age will remember Tiger Beat magazine and all the pictures you could rip out and post to your wall or locker.
Junior high? Oh God, Rick Springfield and Duran Duran. My walls were covered with posters, I had all the cassettes -- I told you I went for musicians. But I also had a thing for a young guy named "Jay".... Jay was a pattern for all my crushes, guys who were totally and completely unattainable, out of reach, safe. I could "love" them from afar and when the affections were not returned, it was okay because they were really never mine to have. That pattern continued all through high school and college.
But then came the crush who wasn't safe. He was available and even a smidge interested, at least enough to respond to my inept awkwardness and to begin something of a relationship. But while he was available and safe, he was all wrong.
And crush is exactly what happened to me and to my world.
So these days, my heart is guarded. Not that I really ever gave it easily. You don't give away your most prized possession to just anyone. My heart is crushed but rebuilt and still able to love.... which I find to be miraculous in itself.
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